I'm writing this post for you. I'm writing this post for those out there who are hurting. I'm writing this post for the girl who is confused, afraid, unsure. I'm writing this post to the girl who has two bad days for every good day. Amazing highs and discouraging lows. The girl who doesn't give up, but wonders why things are getting worse, not better.
I'm writing this post for the girl who feels like a burden. Who feels like feeling is a useless and cumbersome. I'm writing this post for you out there who desperately want to see God work in your life, but are distracted by the drama and stress that are so frequent.
I'm writing this for the tired, heavy laden, and those who can't seem to find rest. I'm writing for the broken.
I'm writing this post for someone like me.
Life is a mixture of emotions. As soon as I think things are looking up again, life punches me down. As soon as I put effort into a healthier lifestyle, life laughs and throws me a curve ball. It feels like I'm running in circles. I'm running up a mountain that keeps getting steeper and more rocky.
I say I'm busy. Being "busy" is a weak excuse. But it's accurate. Only, I don't have much focus in my busyness. I have too many irons in the fire. Too many plates spinning. Too many areas of my life that are falling apart.
The more I try to search my heart, the more I dig up... and it hurts.
It hurts to acknowledge that anxiety is one of my mountains.
It hurts to acknowledge my literal need for a better relationship with my Savior.
It hurst to acknowledge that my negative thoughts are a rock in my mountain.
It hurts to acknowledge that church isn't a atmosphere that helps build my trust in God.
It hurts to acknowledge that people in my life are hurting and I can't do anything to help.
It hurts to acknowledge when fear is real but so are the lies I tell myself.
It hurts to acknowledge that the world we live in is broken and the things of this world are temporary.
It hurts to acknowledge sin and not let it overcome, but rather forgive and love the sinner.
It hurts to acknowledge insecurity and hold your head up anyway.
It hurts.
I desire a life more simple and less complicated. I desire to be stronger.
Maybe one of the reasons I'm climbing this mountain is so that I can help someone else climbing a similar mountain. Because, as hard as it is to hurt, there has to be more. Surely there is something good in all this.
Girl, if you're reading this and relate to anything I've said so far, then keep reading.
It's going to be ok. It's going to be OK. It's going to be okay. It's going to be OKAY.
Stop pulling the wool over your own eyes. Stop believing the lies you tell yourself. You were made for more. There CAN be victory in all of this. But the battle is a every day battle.
I have two pictures for you:
(1) Climbing your mountain, you find hand holds. You search among jagged rocks to find places that are going to hold you. You wonder if the rock you've chosen is going to give or not. You're arms shake and your forearms burn. Your hands form immediate calluses. You look up at all the rock you've yet to ascend. It's daunting. The path you must choose is uncertain. What if the rock you hold on to, gives out? What if you aren't strong enough to hold yourself up any longer? What if you fall?
(2) Climbing your mountain, you find hand holds. You search among jagged rocks to find places that are going to hold you. You wonder if the rock you've chosen is going to give or not, but you trust. You trust because the One you have your faith in has already traveled this path. And if the rock you chose crumbles, then you won't fall. You have a safety rope. You have a Belayer to keep you safe. You're arms shake and your forearms burn, but you keep going. You are persistent and you find inner strength not by trusting in your own strength. It's hard, but it's not impossible. Your hands do not become callused. Your heart is pliable to God's leading & guiding. You look up past the rocks you are about to ascend. You keep your eyes locked on your Redeemer, the One who carries you. Though the path you are climbing is daunting, you are not afraid. The path you've taken is chosen by the One who knows. If doubt creeps in, things will be uncertain. But uncertainty is the rich soil for Trust to thrive in. What if the rocks you hold, give out? Then your Heavenly Father will catch you. What if you aren't strong enough to hold yourself up any longer? You aren't strong enough on your own. But God's strength works perfect in our weakness, and with His strength, this mountain is but a little ant hill. What if you fall? What if you fly?
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Each of us have mountains. But it's how we climb them that matters. Do we try to climb them in our own meager strength without the right equipment? Do we fix our eyes on the jagged rocks ahead? Do we let worry consume our every waking thought? Do we work ourselves too hard only to come to worldly success that will crumble in the end?
Or... Do we climb with the assurance that God's strength will get us to the top? Do we put on the armor of God (the right equipment for this mountain)? Do we claim the promises in the Bible that He has given us? Do we trust in our Belayer. Do we fix our eyes above the rocks in our path? Do we find joy in the journey? Do we rest in God's purpose for us?
Hmm, good questions. But here's another question. What happens when you are trusting God, but life just keeps getting harder?
Notice in the two pictures I painted above, both climbers felt exhausted in their climb. Both of their arms shook. Both had the same struggle, just the second one didn't feel alone.
Everyone in the world goes through seasons of hardship. You can't live in this sinful world and be unaware of it's struggles and trials. Believing in God and Trusting in Him does not give you a pass card for all the hurt of the world. If anything, having the blessed assurance in Christ only gives the enemy more fight in trying to get us to fall from our mountain. Because satan knows that if we turn away from God, if we run from Him, if we shun Him from our lives and try to climb by ourselves, then we will fall.
God has given us free choice. He so desires us to want Him in our lives. He willingly hands us a safety rope.
A TRUST ROPE. He gives us resources to thrive and not just survive the climb. He strengthens us. But only if we seek Him in our lives. If we choose to turn from Jesus, then the Belayer’s rope can not be for our use. If we try to do it by ourselves, if we put so much stock in earthly things, wants, and dreams, then we will be disappointed. We will not be safe. Only in Jesus can we be secure, because He is our refuge and help in times of need. But we have to decide to trust Him. We have to choose how we want to climb our mountains.
The mountains in our life are not bigger than our God. We need to learn to step aside and let God do the moving of mountains. We need to surrender to self every day. This battle is every day. This battle we don't have to fight on our own.
I thought this verse was fitting: "For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your name's sake, Lead me and guide me. Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me, For You are my strength." Psalm 31:3,4 NKJV
Many Blessings,
Brooklyne Elysse
